Apparently it was Fathers day a couple of weeks back. It seemed to have missed our family because my wife was away, which is surprising when I consider the endless advertising that is timed for when my kids most watch Tele. Subsequently, I was never awoken that Sunday morning to howls of “happy Fathers day”. There was no high-powered drop saw, 400 volt battery powered drill, Black and Decker work bench or portable spa pool for the car. Nothing!
Now don’t hear me as whinging. I never get that stuff anyway. What I have come to realise is that despite missing out on the spoils of this years consumer advertising, my life is pretty much the same as it would have been had I received more garage fodder. I’m actually no worse off.
So should we forego Fathers Day altogether? I say yes. Let’s kick the thing into touch! No doubt there will be several fathers’ organizations writing to me on this matter, but what exactly is achieved by the said day? It seems to me that by swallowing these events each year, we’ve essentially compartmentalised expressions of family love in to small events that have no bearing on daily reality. Once a year my kids tell me that they love me and I’m doing a fabulous job as a Dad.
John Lennon had it partly right when he sung, “all you need is love”. The problem was, his famous song never said much about what love is. I know my kids love me and so does my wife, but the word love has to be the most slippery in the English language. My daughter says she loves me, but she also loves ‘Elmo’ more than me. Elmo is our cat. My eldest son loves me (though he probably wouldn’t admit it), but I know he loves his cell phone too – he has a symbiotic relationship with the thing. So what is love?
I found this quote a few years ago, “If you love something set it free, if it comes back it will always be yours. If it doesn’t come back it was never yours to begin with. But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, spends your money and doesn’t appear to realise you had set it free; you either married it or gave birth to it!” Perhaps there’s some truth here.
Better again, the Bible tells us love is a compound word – it’s made up of others words: peace, compassion, kindness, humility, forgiveness, being even-tempered and prepared to take second place. Jesus summed it up when he said, “No greater love has anyone, than they lay down their lives for their friends.”
Without being trite, every day is fathers day if I see each of my kids becoming the kind of people I would like them be, because they see that person in me. I don’t need tools or socks. What I really want is to enjoy their growing lives each day.
That’s enough.
© Digby Wilkinson 2007