Life for all of us is a terminal experience. On Wednesday this week a friend phoned me with tragic news that Tony McClean had been killed in the Canyon flood on Tuesday evening along with six teenagers.
We have known Tony since he was about seven years old and his parents are our good friends.
I felt somewhat numb on Wednesday; the loss of such a fabulous guy to such a freak event and the scale of pain for his parents and siblings left me feeling empty.
Likewise the knowledge that six other families and their extended relationships were all being affected the same way created a significant national outpouring of sadness.
The question of “what has been lost?” in these deaths has plagued nearly all the comments made to the media and it’s understandable. Great young people brimming with hopes and expectations that might well have been fulfilled. They are now simply lost hopes washed up in a sea of emotional anguish. It is a great loss.
Far be it for me to underestimate the power of such feelings, but as I was thrashing about in bed on Wednesday night with my mind racing, it occurred to me that there is a better question, “what has been gained through their lives?”
This question forces us to be more conscious of, and thankful for the people in our present lives. This being the case we become more aware of what they bring to our lives, so that when they are gone, we can be grateful that we knew them. Like most parents who are touched by the pain of another parent’s loss, we suddenly notice the immense value of own kids – a value we often take for granted.
Asking, “what has been added to our lives through knowing a person?” is an exceptional way to face tragedy. It doesn’t diminish the pain or tearing loss or the grief that comes with it. It merely focuses that pain and grief toward thankfulness.
Jesus said, “if you hang onto life, you will lose it, but if you let it go, you will find it.” When people die, and they do, letting them go does not mean forgetting and moving on, it means embracing what they have added to us. It is acknowledging that we are fuller and more human for having known them. “Letting go” simply means we negotiate a new way of knowing the person who has died. They are not separated from us; they are now part of who we are.
Embracing the idea that a loved one is now part of us is God’s gift at hand. We are able to discover a new life, a fresh sense of who we are – a newness that unfolds from tragedy.
But it does take time.