The German psychologist, Erich Fromm, claimed that, “Man’s main task in life is to give birth to himself.”
The passage of life from birth to death is not an easy one. Certainly there are difficulties to be encountered and each experience is a time of growth and challenge. Yet the real task is to work out who we are amid the billions of people who make up our world. It might sound a little psychological, but the reality is most of us face the hurdle of being ourselves when everyone else is so different.
Take fashion for example. The vast majority of people wear whatever is in vogue. Our taste is generally dictated by the images that we see around us; we pick an image and go with it. Being an unwashed slob who doesn’t care about how they look is as much an image as someone strutting the last fashion accessories from Gucci. Whatever image we choose, we will both love it and hate it.
The question, “Who am I?” has been the centre piece of philosophical debate for centuries. It’s not a question born in ivory towers, it’s a question birthed in the ordinariness of all our lives. Most often we define ourselves by our careers or lack of them. Likewise, our parenthood, successes, failures or specific events can also be defining. However, all these are external influences that what we do or have done, but not who we are.
I think Fromm was right. We are consistently challenged to become ourselves and not everyone else. I’m not suggesting social chaos where we do as we please, but rather we are in the process of learning to live at peace with who we are in the company of others. We come to accept our uniqueness in the mass of sameness.
I have a book with Winston Churchill’s incisive quotes. One of the best is, “We are all worms, but I do believe I am a glow worm.” It was a moment of insight. He was gifted at “standing out” and walking boldly into controversy without qualm. Churchill knew this about himself.
In the Godfather trilogy, the character, Michael, is drawn into the mob, and, ignoring his own character, he takes over his fathers role as mafia boss. The sequels deal with the inevitable deterioration of Michael’s character and the despair that overwhelms his existence. He has lived a life that was not intended for him.
It is a good thing to reflect on the conflict between our inner or real selves and the demands of the outer world. If we opt for the latter at the exclusion of the former we are headed for deep trouble.
The biblical psalm, 139, speaks of our uniqueness as individuals. In the same way Jesus claimed that God knows our difference down to the number of hairs on our head. Do we though? It’s worth reflecting on.
I think the fullness of who we are is ultimately found in the company of God and others. We need both to be more than we have simply settled for.
Digby Wilkinson 2009